dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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