I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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