i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
