Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
