I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
