I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
