Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
