You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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