I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
