He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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