I got chris browned last night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
