i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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