I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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