That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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