Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
