they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
