Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
