can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
