Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
