turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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