Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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