A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
