dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
