ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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