There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
