I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Boobs speak an international language.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
