Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
