Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
