if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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