Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
