Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
