Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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