i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
