i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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