Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
