the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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