Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
worst night to have a conscience
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
