i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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