Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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