it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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