I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
