what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
