I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
