Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
