It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
