I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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