4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
