its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
