And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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