I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I deserve this hangover.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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