thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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