Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
