i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
