...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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