You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
