Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
