First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
