Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
